Wander Woman

Many times this past school year I have sinned against God and against my children.  I have lost my patience, I have been self-seeking, I have been easily angered, I have not extended grace, I have not encouraged………  I have wanted to quit - A lot!  I have let my feelings rule instead of God’s Truths.  I know that I need Tyler and he needs me and that my responses to him are only revealing what’s in my own heart.  I know God is using my children to change me and to draw me closer to Himself.  This year has been a real challenge to say the least and as the year comes to a close new trials are presenting themselves.  Shouldn’t “school stuff” be going away?  I recently chose to have my son tested using the SAT which was not a wise decision on my part.  My child has an endless supply of energy and has had a hard time focusing and sitting still all year.  Why did I think he would be able to sit for 2 1/2 hrs and do a test?  I didn’t even consider that.  It was and still is a very hard struggle for me not to become extremely discouraged with the fact that he guessed his way through this test (colored in some circles at the top, some in the middle and some at the bottom), cheated, and went at his own pace instead of following the teacher.  My mom-in-law has reminded me that we cannot be afraid for our children to fail.  It is through failures that our children learn how to become adults.  I feel like he knew the material (we even did a test prep book), but the results of the test are obviously not going to be an accurate reflection of his progress this year.  Chances are we will have to pay more money to have him tested using a different method.  Hard lesson learned.  I think I can have unrealistic expectations for my first grader and can be somewhat of a taskmaster just wanting to get school done so we (or I) can move on to other things.  More times than not, my home has not been full of joy and laughter as it should be.  I am now faced with what to do next year.  Do I repeat certain subjects maybe using a different curriculum to ensure mastery?  Do I participate in a co-op again?  What curriculum is best for my non-stop boy?  What will grab his attention and make him excited about learning?  I am considering taking the focus off of academics next year and instead spending time building his character, working on heart issues, and strengthening our relationship.  After all, that is the most important thing, right?  Today, after reading, another question came to my mind and I cannot seem to quit thinking about it.  Why do I homeschool?  I am going to think about this and answer in a later post.  In the meantime, please be praying for me.  I have a lot of decisions to make over the next couple of months.  If anyone has any suggestions or advice I would love to hear about it.  Please also pray that I will not worry or grow anxious, but trust in Him and in His faithfulness.  Pray that when discouraging and “I cannot do this” thoughts start to creep in I can battle them with Truth.  I know God is at work and by his grace next year can be different.  Pray that my children will know how much I love them and that I will take advantage of every opportunity to express that to them.  Thanks for reading.